Gay three person relationship
Moments when the three of us all huddled together before we left the house. A night Alex drove Jon and me through Terminal Island, the industrial lights igniting fires in the sky around us, creating a matrix of magic and wonder and beauty. Jon still in bed, his hair disheveled and beautiful.
The three of us eating donuts at two am while watching Strangers With Candy. Exploring Granville Island in Vancouver, eating rosemary and salt bagels, taking the ferry back to the mainland, walking endlessly throughout Vancouver and Seattle, Madrid and Paris, Berlin and New York City, the three of us exploring the world together. We are a family and like all families we have our struggles and our heartache, we strive and toil and trudge the road of life together, doing our best to take care of each other, sometimes failing, sometimes succeeding. I learned that love is not limited: I can love Alex completely, with everything I have, and still have more than enough to love Jon just as completely, just as fully.
The decision to introduce Jon to our friends and family at our wedding seemed like a pragmatic choice.
Everyone would be in one place at the same time. East Coast and West Coast merging. Get married and introduce the world to our boyfriend.
A word of warning from Alex Cheves
I am lucky. My family are all left wing, about as liberal as you can get. They are tolerant. They try to understand. Being with one partner is hard enough. Just do your best to take care of each other.
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- Three’s company: Q&A with a polyamorous NYC throuple.
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Our wedding was held at our small Craftsman house in Hollywood. My best friend Amy flew with her family from New York City to officiate. Over a people showed up. Jon stood in the back of the room during the ceremony. Later Jon told us how stressed out he was. We had all underestimated the timing. The emotions that would come up through out the day.
We seem to do that a lot. Underestimate what is happening until it is over, and we are left thinking: In time this thing that seemed so far outside the norm, so far outside what was acceptable, began to feel normal. Life began to fill back in. Jobs and goals and the gym, paying the bills: No longer was there just two of us. We were three. I think that was the hardest part: Eventually I began to see this not just as one relationship but as four completely whole and separate relationships: Then there are our relationships to our selves.
Carving out time to be alone. Finding a way to remain autonomous inside this thing that can easily consume you. I met him at the bar where I was working at the time and took him into one of the back rooms. He was just supposed to be a hook up, some random hot dude, just another adventure. And then we met the following week in the parking lot of my gym. We messed around in the bathroom at the bar. We had sex in a parking structure after getting bagels. It was sordid and sexy and fun. Then Conor spent the night. A word might seem small, but it shows how much you care.
In a polyamorous setup, jealousy is going to flare up. Poly setups often happen when an established couple starts dating a third.
24 Questions About Gay Polyamorous Relationships You Wanted to Ask But Were Too Polite To
Or when two couples start dating each other. Keep all parties informed of where you are with others in your life. If things are getting serious with one of your partners, tell the others. Check in. Let everyone know where you are. I love you and want to make this decision with you, but before we talk about this, you should know that I like [other person] a lot. You might not always enjoy what they say, but truths — even hard truths — are always better than lies.
Appreciate full disclosure. You want people in your life who have no secrets — not from you. Polyamory is not your excuse to be a jackass.
A very wise man told me this. Friends, Family, Fucking, and Finance. Are you spending enough time with your friends and making them a priority? Are there any friends you need to talk about? Are there any friends you have feelings for? Where are you with family? Do you need to spend more time with family? Do you like their family? Do they like yours? Do you want to start one? Are you getting enough sex? Are they?
What do you you want to differently? What are your areas of concern? If you can talk through these four things with honesty and take this seriously, you can work through most issues. This polite, civil, vital talk may be the the glue that keeps you together or the necessary unraveling that needs to happen. You know that going in. When I first recommended this book to readers, I was just a reader myself as well as a big fan of this book. Give it a read. All Rights Reserved. A word of warning from Alex Cheves My name is Alexander Cheves, and I am known by friends in the kink and leather community as Beastly.
DO remind the person you love that they are enough for you. DO remember that fights are about feelings, not facts.
Recommendations
DO extend a hand. Poor, poor Travis. That same Travis that is a consenting adult who I assume can handle the consequences, good or bad, that this may bring. If he cant partake on the benefits of marriage, it is of no fault of their own. Why snide them about it? Matthew, why so judgmental? It is not their fault that they cannot all three get married. In fact that is one of my problems with the gay marriage movement — why adopt a model that perpetuates discrimination against families that are not formed by couples?
Maybe that should be the target of your ire.
Three’s company: Q&A with a polyamorous NYC throuple
Every year or two or three there is an article on some blog or magazine about a three way relationship and the folks ALWAYS act like they have discovered this new AMAZING thing and everybody else is stupid and judgmental and unenlightened and they are brilliant and just taking love into new and amazing directions. Funny how there is never a follow up 2 years later on these things, because they have always broken up. Before they get snippy about other people they might want to see if the relationship lasts the year.
Queerty did a story on a similar story with similar complaints a few years ago….
Gay married couple divorce after a year to include 3rd man in their relationship
And 4 agreed to the piece with out knowing the title of the issue we did learn it later, before publication. Thanks for some of the love gentlemen! However if they were straight here is a list of countries that do allow this to occur and the conditions:. This re-post is the only thing patronizing. What a far cry from the original piece, which I found celebratory and sweet. This is just bitchy. And says infinitely more about the author than the subject matter.
And yes Travis, you are the play thing, the third wheel, the one who will be left behind.