Gay introvert dating
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Give extroverts their due. Extroverts need more from the world — more excitement, more novel experiences, more physicalized stimulation, and more risk and reward — to feel fully alive. You, introvert, can find that level of stimulation overwhelming and seek out a shady nook to recover. They are likely to leap and pull you along on the ride.
Practice, practice, practice. Plan ahead.
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Practice in front of a mirror. Get a friend to role-play with you, or this can be done in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy in a safe environment, where the therapist can coach you on small improvements to make I do this often with clients, and "behavioral rehearsal" in the office can make things easier outside of it. Take that extrovert friend with you on a night out to get the conversations going.
Let yourself hang back listening for a few minutes, and then jump in. The more you do it, the easier it will be for more on the practical tips on what to say to others, click for my article, Breaking the Ice: Use social networking, but not too much. Social media is made for introverts. If you connect with someone that way, great. If you meet someone on a website or app especially the ubiquitous Grindr or Scruff , invite him very soon into the process to meet you in the brick-and-mortar world for a coffee date or dinner date, after you've established online mutual interest.
Suggest specific times and places to meet in person, within only a couple of days or sooner time-frame. Accommodate extroverts, but not too much.
Try initiating your own creative social activities that are comfortable for you hosting a game night instead of a wild night at a club, having a quiet lunch with one person, or a few, instead of drinks at a noisy bar at happy hour. Finding that balance of validating your unique personality, even as an introvert, and having the healthy assertiveness to get what you need and want in this life, personally and professionally, is a tricky skill to learn.
Therapy and coaching can help you identify your own special "stuck points" and work through them. The challenge is, those "stuck points" to work through can be different for everyone, so you need a customized plan. Introverts can lose out on friends, jobs, promotions, getting the recognition and credit for work they have truly done, and even on getting phone numbers, dates, or hookups.
Finding yourself a comfortable spot on the spectrum from introversion to extroversion, where your unique personality dwells, means validating living your life on your own terms, being yourself, and yet having the behavioral skills you need in assertive communication, limit-setting, and promoting your own agenda to get what you want and to positively influence those around you, even if it's just asking a guy you like out on a date. Assertive Communication is a skill that can be learned through Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, as well as social skills of "making small talk", which I hear in my practice that a lot of guys just aren't very good at.
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