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- I Prefer to Date Men Who are HIV Positive.
- I Prefer to Date Men Who are HIV Positive - Tonic!
- 27 Reasons You Should Date an HIV-Positive Man Right Now.
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I was single for the first time since my early twenties and I was terrified. I quietly cried as I pulled my pants back on and hoofed it to my car where I sat contemplating the new reality of HIV in my dating life. After coming out at 16, before the dawn of the apps, I fumbled around high school and college attempting to date, which ended up largely unsuccessful.
And then, surprisingly, at the end of undergrad, I stumbled into a relationship—with a woman. I think I just genuinely fell in love with her, as a person. And, yes, our sex was amazing, but let's be clear, I'm gay. As in, never-ate-her-out, firmly-on-this-end-of-the- Kinsey-spectrum gay. After this stint, I flailed my way back into the testosterone-laden waters of man-dating, ill-equipped to deal with things like HIV. And the more I attempted to discover about the virus, the more I realized that I wasn't alone. My friends would often give vague non-answers to my questions, or avoid the topic completely.
They seemed to know just as little about HIV as I did. Since they couldn't help—and in an effort to avoid crying on any more dicks—I decided to do some digging. After some research, and speaking with several professionals, I surprised myself with what I concluded: I'd rather have a partner who is living with HIV than someone who isn't.
Dating Positively
I was surprised myself, but hear me out. Some of what I discovered contradicts everything we've been taught.
From September of to May of , these participating couples provided detailed sexual diaries, accompanied by routine examinations, which produced a wealth of data that was analyzed, synthesized and then published. Jens Lundgren, director of CHIP , Centre for Health and Infectious Disease Research based at the Copenhagen University Hospital, and also the principal investigator on the study, tells me, "we found that despite studying more than 50, [condomless sexual encounters], none of the partners contracted from each other—there was no risk.
This was wild to me—from what I've been told, these findings albeit from a single study weren't consistent with mainstream messaging surrounding HIV. These results were saying that the risk of transmitting HIV from someone who was living with the virus and on treatment to a negative partner was negligible to non-existent. I had to dig deeper.
It provided the caveat that those living with the virus must be undergoing and adhering to treatment, have an undetectable viral load for six months or longer, and have no other STIs. The statement, released in for doctors in Switzerland, has since seen several important studies produce evidence in support of its claims—the PARTNER study being one of them, and, most recently, the CDC's letter published this past September.
Dating While HIV Positive - POZ
The more I discovered, the more confident I became in my preference. The risk of contracting isn't from those who are living with the virus and taking their medication as prescribed, it's from those who are unsure of their status. HIV can take weeks or months to test positive. Not knowing your status can, in theory, be no fault of your own, but attributed to the length of time it takes to test positive. And I don't know about you, but even that syphilis test came back negative three times before they were able to definitively tell me what I had.
So, when can one ever be percent certain of their status? Unless…they're already positive. But because decisions surrounding my sexual health have potential long-term, irrevocable impacts, I had to know more.
Gallen, Switzerland. His work in the late 90s and early s centered around HIV-discordant couples and their attempts to conceive. During this time, he was one of the first physicians to look at the viral load found in the semen of patients on effective ART treatment.
Of all the couples he treated, none of those living with HIV and on standard ART treatment had a discernible viral load in their semen.