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Don't get me wrong. Most of the men were hilarious -- unintentionally, that is.

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One gentleman, for example, interrupted me halfway throughout our introductions and asked with a smile, "Are you a Greek god? Flattered, and with a bit of beer foam dribbling out of my mouth, I politely declined. I know how that scenario usually ends: By the end of the night, I had met about 16 different men, and I can tell you that the look of disappointment that flashed on their faces upon seeing me never got old.

I tried my best to be my most "top" self like trying to polish a turd, as they say. Alas, despite my greatest efforts, I was not a very convincing top. I might have had better luck convincing them I was a a very lost and confused lesbian. There is nothing speedy about speed dating. I was bottoming out after talking to guy after guy for four hours.

By the time I got to the handsomest man in the room, I could tell we were both exhausted. I was tired from putting on the performance of my life, and he was tired from all the normals he'd had to speak to.

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I had no desire to impress or pretend to be interested in anything that wasn't sleep -- or pizza, or a burrito, or both at the same time -- which is a shame, because this gentleman was like a surprisingly nice dessert section in a really bad buffet. I could still tell he had a great personality to match his Prince Eric looks. Unfortunately, we were both the human equivalents of melted ice at the bottom of a cooler previously filled with beer, dreams and the empty promise of a good time. Speed dating, even the kind tailored toward your preferred sexual role, is a great alternative to the more obvious option: The human race must have really pissed off a love god from some pantheon to be punished with the literal hell that is OKStupid.

Although I have no plans to meet with any of the men from my speed-dating event, I'm glad I went. It was incredibly refreshing to meet people in real life, for once. Stretching my social muscles was a good exercise, and it's fun trying to make strangers laugh. Some of the men were veterans of speed dating, and from the sound of it, they had not lost hope.

They went into this round with just as much enthusiasm and vigor as they'd done the first time -- even if they were wearing T-shirts. Love is truly a numbers game, and these men knew this. That, my friends, was the biggest takeaway -- that, and the fact that a doe-eyed, 5-foot, pound Asian man does not make a convincing top. Read more at Metro.

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Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. I eventually "lost" my name tag at some point in the night. That, and never buy knives from that dude from high school. Convinced I had misheard him, I asked him to repeat that.


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I gave him the ol' side eye and sipped out of my beer suspiciously. Canada U. US News.


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