I see you gay
As a gay guy, I feel like that choice has already been made for me. I get what Jacob means about wanting to meet people in real life, but as a generally anxious person, I like that technology that allows me to avoid talking to other humans is readily available. I like that I can find someone from the comfort of my couch before I head out into the real world to actually get to know them. If I meet a cute girl out in the real world, I get to play a fun game: Is She Gay? Not everyone co-writes a biweekly column with their orientation in the title.
I can guess, based on her boots and if she wears hats. I can guess, based on which social activism causes she supports. Because the beauty of Tinder is that you only see girls who are into girls. No more guessing. But then I find the next problem — swiping through every queer woman within a three-mile radius. I know a lot of queer women, sure. Do straight people have this problem?
All about being gay
Understand a bit about what science says about being gay. Studies seem to support a strong genetic component in sexual orientation.
A hot area of research currently is in epigenetics, or the study of how non-genetic factors influence the expression of genes. Geneticists hypothesize that homosexuality is linked to "epi-marks," or extra layers of information that determine how genes are expressed. With homosexuals, scientists believe that epi-marks are not deleted, and instead passed on from either father to daughter or from mother to son.
Catherine, Canada.
The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Community Center
Scientists have even determined that there may be an evolutionary benefit to being gay, called the "balancing selection hypothesis. Think about your past romantic experiences with other genders. How did you feel when a person of another gender kissed you? Did you ever fantasize sexually about members of genders other than your own? Did you ever have crushes on a person of a different gender? If your past romantic history involved sexual or romantic encounters with other genders, encounters that still leave you sexually excited, this is probably an example of sexual attraction and there's a good chance that you are bisexual or straight.
Think about romantic experiences or fantasies with people of the same gender as you. Were there people you were afraid to admit you had a crush on due to other people's homophobia? Did you ever fantasize sexually about a member of the same gender as you? Did you find yourself consistently not attracted to the gender you thought you were supposed to be attracted to? If your romantic experiences with or fantasies about people of your own gender still leave you sexually excited, there's a good chance that you are gay or bisexual.
Examine your recent behavior with your friends and acquaintances. When you really look at it, can you detect any lingering romantic or sexual feelings about friends or acquaintances who happen to have the same gender as you? Remember that, while a sexual fantasy does not automatically make you gay, enjoying and wanting them to happen is an example of sexual attraction.
Has there ever been a close friend you felt extra possessive of? One that you wanted to be your "best friend forever," someone who you were jealous of if they had a partner? Do you find that the idea of a naked person of the same gender gets you excited, not the abstract sense "Oh, they're pretty.
I want that"? If you play a lot of sport, do you try to tackle the same gender guard during every practice, just so that you can be close to them? Are you more than passingly interested in them? Do you try to get a look at their body in the locker room, getting excited about them taking off their shirt? Examine who gets you aroused. We're talking about sexual arousal here. Try to obliterate any preconceived notions of who you're supposed to be sexually attracted to. Picture many genders and examine which ones get you the most sexually aroused. Remember that you are not alone. If you are gay, know that there are many, many gay, lesbian, bisexual, and straight people all over the world who have been in your situation.
The doubt. The nagging guilt.
- All about being gay | Sexuality | ReachOut Australia.
- How Tinder is different when you’re gay.
- I am interested in?
- About The Center.
- totally free gay dating sites.
The uncertainty. They've all been through it. There is nothing wrong with being gay. You are not any less of a person for being who you are. Find people who are supportive of your questioning and who won't respond judgmentally, or worse, report you to local authorities, church leaders, or your parents. Talking to friends and family members is something you can worry about later when you're more confident about who you are.
Know that being gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, transgender or anything in-between is okay. No one should make you feel bad about who you are inside. If your friends are your true friends, they will love you no matter what. If your parents love you, they will respect you for who you are, no matter what. Realize that the people attacking you probably have problems of their own. These people are usually the type who take out their anger on other people, perhaps because they are confused themselves. The people who may lash out at you do so because they are unhappy with themselves.
Watch out for anyone who insists that you're a confused heterosexual. Especially if that person doesn't know who you are, or is trying to pressure you to adopt a set of beliefs or a course of action. You may very well be "confused" or "experimenting," but only you can determine what you are.
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You have the right to determine what you call yourself, if you call yourself anything. Realize that there are many different paths to discovering your sexuality.
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Some people know that they're gay from a very early age; others take time to discover their true nature, perhaps even realizing it only in later life. There is no statute of limitation on unwrapping your feelings and tendencies. If you feel a certain way, then you feel a certain way. Try to be grateful that you found out at all — some people wrestle with it their entire lives, never admitting that they could possibly be gay. Understand that narratives abound about why one develops a particular sexual orientation. This does not necessarily make it true, or even testable.
Freudians have argued in the past that homosexuality is the result of "a distant father and overbearing mother" or the result of being stuck in the "anal stage of development. Understand that sexuality is considered by some to be a very complex issue. It's important not to let outside pressure exclusively determine your sexual identity. There are many shades of grey when it comes to sexuality; don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
There is room for every degree of sexuality: Some lesbians occasionally seek out male partners, and some gay men seek out female partners. There are many degrees of sexual orientation, and if you find you don't fit easily into one category, perhaps you are bisexual. Don't allow yourself to be labelled until or unless you are ready and willing to be. Regardless of preference to one gender or another, you have the right to be sexually "different". Our society puts a lot of emphasis on heteronormative sex - male dominance, female submission.
Don't let this tie down your sexual orientation. There are lots straight men who are more submissive and lots of women who are more dominant sexually. Don't attempt to undermine anyone's realization or fulfillment of their sexuality. Respect the privacy of individuals you know who may be wary about coming out. Coming to terms with one's sexual orientation is difficult and complicated enough. Don't make it harder on people trying to come to terms with it themselves. Don't look at the finding of your sexuality as a "struggle," because struggle implies a fight against something or yourself.
Rather, see it as a journey of discovery, and consider seeking safe spaces where you can discuss your questions openly and meet others who are going through a similar process. Even if you don't identify as lesbian, gay, or bisexual, you can use this as a starting point to help the gay rights movement or just meet new people.
Keep in mind that sexuality is fluid and so are identities. Some people after coming out as gay or lesbian start acting or dressing what is perceived by others as "more gay". This happens because the person may want to fit the label more precisely, and that is not a bad thing, but labeling that behavior as fake or untrue is hurtful to that person. If your friends start accusing you of "acting more gay than before", ignore them. Be proud of who you are and be free to be whoever you want to be, without anyone telling how you should act or dress or talk or walk!
There are people who believe that they are born with their sexual preferences and there are those who don't. But each identity is a constructed one and there is nothing wrong with that. Feeling attraction to the same sex can make you feel confused about your sexual identity because you might be trying to fit in with the society's expectations to define yourself. You can identify as gay, lesbian, straight, queer, bisexual.
But it is also okay if you don't want to label yourself. That is easier said than done but the bottom line is to be true to yourself.