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Once I sort of got comfortable in my own skin, my approach to dating was based on an inherent desire for love and companionship rather than just mere sex and fun. Meeting guys with the same agenda soon became a nightmare and eventually, a borderline lost cause. The first guy I ever dated — met on a fairly popular site — turned into a two-month-long story until he ghosted me.
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Being my first experience ever, the effect was shattering on my self-esteem, as he just used me to rebound after a long-time relationship gone wrong. The following two years, my last ones in America, only featured some online flirting.
We awkwardly bumped into each other a month later, outside the tube station. He then texted me that night how we just wanted different things and that I was amazing and deserved better, apologising for not having the guts to tell me face to face.
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Too little too late but I appreciated the gesture, for a change. Plus I gained a better understanding of how being honest with yourself and with others is the key to dating.
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After another period of radio silence, I started using a couple of apps and sites again which only led to further disappointment. We are different on many levels but we had a few important things in common: I hate when people tell you how love will find you when you stop searching and all that zen crap. Nobody knows how the universe works. What makes the difference in the end is persistence and clarity about what you want.