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Last week, bi and supports the biggest social networking site for couples go mainstream? Create your interests. It seems like there are many senior gay. I had no idea what to do. I had no idea what was normal or not normal. I was like a crazy person: We had terrible fights. Once, while on vacation in Vancouver, I threw myself out of bed, pretending I had fallen. I stormed throughout the one bedroom apartment we had rented , getting dressed, threatening to leave.
I even made it to the elevator, where I hesitated for five minutes waiting for someone to come and get me.
No one did. In Spokane Washington, on my birthday, we had an eight-hour fight that got so bad Jon ended up booking a separate hotel room. In Seattle a minor annoyance over Bahn Mi sandwiches they were the only thing I wanted for breakfast every day turned into relationship negotiations. Everything was heightened and out of perspective.
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We were sharing our new love, Jon, with each other. We were out of minds. All the books I read said jealousy was wrong, the emotion of the monogamous unenlightened. Something we poly people should transcend. I hated the word poly and what it seemed to mean. I am a jealous, insecure cave man.
There were moments of true beauty and wonder as well. I am still stunned by those times when I stumbled upon them, lying in bed together, holding hands, kissing, laughing at some passing comment, cuddled on the couch. Moments when the three of us all huddled together before we left the house.
A night Alex drove Jon and me through Terminal Island, the industrial lights igniting fires in the sky around us, creating a matrix of magic and wonder and beauty. Jon still in bed, his hair disheveled and beautiful. The three of us eating donuts at two am while watching Strangers With Candy. Exploring Granville Island in Vancouver, eating rosemary and salt bagels, taking the ferry back to the mainland, walking endlessly throughout Vancouver and Seattle, Madrid and Paris, Berlin and New York City, the three of us exploring the world together. We are a family and like all families we have our struggles and our heartache, we strive and toil and trudge the road of life together, doing our best to take care of each other, sometimes failing, sometimes succeeding.
I learned that love is not limited: I can love Alex completely, with everything I have, and still have more than enough to love Jon just as completely, just as fully. The decision to introduce Jon to our friends and family at our wedding seemed like a pragmatic choice. Everyone would be in one place at the same time. East Coast and West Coast merging. Get married and introduce the world to our boyfriend. I am lucky.
My family are all left wing, about as liberal as you can get.
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They are tolerant. They try to understand. Being with one partner is hard enough. Just do your best to take care of each other.
Our wedding was held at our small Craftsman house in Hollywood. My best friend Amy flew with her family from New York City to officiate. Over a people showed up.
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Jon stood in the back of the room during the ceremony. Later Jon told us how stressed out he was. We had all underestimated the timing. The emotions that would come up through out the day. On top of being a popular site with lots of users, there you can outright search for people who are comfortable with non-monogamy and you can even link an account with a partner's—though they missed the mark on not allowing you to link with multiple partners! Other sites, like Plenty of Fish, will actually reject you and low-key insult you if you select that you are married in your profile. I go with the intention of being upfront about being polyamorous… When I first start talking to somebody, polyamory is something I bring up fairly quickly.
It doesn't make sense to waste anyone's time if what they are seeking is a monogamous relationship. Generally I stick to dating people who are also already seeking non-monogamous relationships. The presumption is difficult and a thing. I had [that I was poly] in my profile. She seemed open-minded to it, but then when I actually met her for dinner, pretty much the entire date was her challenging the concept of poly, challenging every reason why I would be poly… My parents are divorced, which may have come up at some point.
You also get people who seem interested at first then fade away once they realize they can't handle non-monogamy. So then I figured I might as well put it out there since the rumour was going around that my wife was cheating on me—but really we were just in an open relationship. So far that has never happened other than some good-natured teasing from my younger brother who stumbled upon my profile. In fact, I ended up finding out that more than a few friends of mine were also polyamorous by way of seeing them pop up on dating apps!
We got that out of the way after a few months.