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After the first day or two of chatting, go have lunch.

INTRODUCTION

Your post or ad has spoken. Have a conversation—have several conversations—and exchange emails. Listen to the other person. Read what he has written.

Dating is not a monologue. There are no bad dates. Even an apparent disaster, a bar encounter at which the other person succeeds in quickly getting drunk, for example, can be useful. You will stick to having a cup of coffee by meeting at a cafe next time. Know yourself before you start.

Keep the two separate. If you live in a small town in a small state, what percentage of men are gay? What percentage of those gay men are positive or open to dating someone who is positive?

If you limit yourself to finding someone around the block, you may have created an insurmountable challenge. The reality is that he could be anywhere, could live anywhere. He might, or might not, live across the country. He might, or might not, use a dating site, a dating company, have, or not have, a personal ad somewhere. Try to stay open. There are no support groups, no social activities with other positive people out here; there are no retreats that those of us who are low-income can afford.

We as gay folk ignore our possible candidates for dating in this group.

Sites like POZ Personals and options on dating apps have made it much easier to let an interested suitor know you status by reading your profile. Many, many guys know nothing about HIV and fear positive individuals as one would fear someone who had contracted the Ebola virus. No matter how hot that guy looks, avoid an awkward, embarrassing or even violent situation by laying all your cards on the table at the appropriate time. The appropriate time is soon after meeting.

Since then, I have not had so much as a second date with someone. Always the same result: They move on, and I need to find the strength to start looking again. Yet after 15 years, little hope remains of not dying alone—my greatest fear. Ironically, I have never had any medical issues. Talk to your partner before you have sex so that you can share the responsibility for having safer sex. If your partner knows about HIV, it can make it easier to talk about using condoms.

• Dating While HIV Positive!
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Photos are used for illustrative purposes. They do not imply any health status or behaviour on the part of the people in the photo.

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Living with HIV. Being young and positive.

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