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The second film they released was the one where a donkey explosively sharts all over Adam Sandler. These days, Netflix is made up of a fair amount of movies that attain mere forgettability instead of outright awfulness. Below, we attempt to rank every single Netflix original movie ever made excluding documentaries, in the interest of this list remaining … bingeable. Cam In this cyber-thriller, the commonplace annoyances of working on the Internet — getting back in to a locked account, dealing with trolls, thirsting for numerical affirmations of your output — assume an uncanny existential terror in league with the eldritch fever dreams of David Lynch.
Go-getter cam girl Alice Madeline Brewer, reinforcing the Lynch comparison with a star-making performance that channels both Naomi Watts and Laura Harring starts to unravel after she sees someone broadcasting from her channel using her name and her face, who is nonetheless not her. Her frantic maneuvers to secure her livelihood and sense of self climax in a semiotically loaded grand finale that can stand up to the most chilling setpieces of the new millennium.
David Spade plays a henpecked beta cuck unsatisfied with his pitiful existence, which makes him receptive to an intriguing offer from old buddy Sandler when they meet up at their high-school reunion. Game Over, Man!
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In this putrid Die Hard clone, he reunites with his former Workaholics pals to portray a trio of hotel custodians who must disarm a hit squad holding a weirdly cameo-heavy party hostage. Spoiler alert: Jillian Bell soils herself.
When will Jared Leto be stopped, and who among us can do it? We all know the drill: Guy steps out on girlfriend, guy breaks things off with side piece, side piece turns psycho and wreaks vengeful havoc on guy. Up until Lohanian — Lohanesque? Get off my sexy, homicidal lawn! True Memoirs of an International Assassin Q: When is an Adam Sandler movie not an Adam Sandler movie?
Though the Sandman does not show his face in this feature — a dime-store espionage flick that casts Blart as a spy novelist who stumbles into one of his own stories — his authorial fingerprints of passive chauvinism and total stylistic indifference have been smeared all over the frame. Highlight and delete, man, or at least hold the key down! The Kissing Booth Teens and their mushy, impressionable brains should be kept far away from this putrid rom-com that plays like the most regrettable studio acquisition of Let it instead die the natural death awaiting it.
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The Ridiculous 6 Sandler stretched himself a little bit by getting into genre work with this Western. Springing this viciously unfunny John Ford riff on America two weeks before Christmas like a present nobody especially wanted, Sandler portrays a leathery cowpuncher on a search for his wayward Pa with his legion of half-brothers. One afternoon, a chauvinist pig walks into a pole on the street and awakens in a world where the roles of men and women have been completely reversed!
The satire just writes itself! Though, in a much more real way, it does not. A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding Heavy is the head that wears the crown, as they say.
Moonlight () - IMDb
This sci-fi epic is an incoherent mess filtered through an intensely personal vision, and the result is something closer to Battlefield Earth than Southland Tales. The writing confounds the viewer by constantly bursting out into narrative seizures about robot sex or child pornography while remaining steadfastly boring through its two-plus hours. The Fundamentals of Caring That this film could actually manage to be worse than its title is a grim sort of accomplishment.
Its pathos is so disingenuous and suffocating that not even Human Embodiment of Charm Paul Rudd can salvage it. He plays a depressed writer red flag No. Together, they set out on a cross-country road trip red flag No. By starting with a premise so rich with potential for overcooked emotional manipulation, the film sets an uphill battle for itself so steep that it can fall right off the mountain. The film behaves as if his efforts to use his extensive knowledge of her personality to trick her younger self into falling for him are sweet but misguided. But one online search and, ah, it all becomes clear: Graham has spent years as the star of The Vampire Diaries.
Father of the Year Our world is full of unknowable mysteries: How does the aurora borealis form? What happened to D. Their idiotic feud to determine the top paterfamilias leads to accidental MDMA-dropping and male breast enhancement, but the mischief does little to perk up an otherwise stultifying family outing.
This film is the equal and opposite reaction to the era of the Hot Dad. This theoretical person would take it all at face value and love it. Full Throttle director McG is an inexplicable Satanic-panic flick that pits a nail-biting kid against his hottie coed caretaker and the rest of her death cult. Why is there so much trouble in the world? It is, at least, slightly less unpleasant than The Do-Over , though not for lack of trying.
Blockbuster Where did the French get their reputation as masters of romance? Lola Charlotte Gabris kicks Jeremy Syrus Shahidi to the curb with good reason, and still the film tacitly cheers him on as he goes about whipping up a DIY superhero movie to win her back. The most baffling aspect of all is that a female director would be behind this blend of toxic male entitlement and high-viscosity corn syrup.
From this unsound premise he weaves an incomprehensible story involving a powerful magic wand, Noomi Rapace as a tremulous elf, and latent plot-hole-fixing superpowers revealed at just the right moment. The merciful among you may feel moved to award Ayer some pity points for following an original thought instead of churning through more franchise fare, but the script relinquishes any goodwill with four simple words: While some of us might use technopathy to redistribute wealth or expose covert wrongdoing, our hero Tom Bill Milner instead goes after neighborhood toughs like a USB-enabled Kick-Ass.
The After Party WorldStarHipHop, that august online repository of fight clips, uploaded freestyles, and twerk videos, produced this misbegotten rap comedy in their first foray into feature-length entertainment. But even without the name-drops, the Worldstar stamp would still be evident from the long line of rapper cameos, some better than others. Jadakiss stopping by to drop a little knowledge about Eric B. Tau Riding high off his Oscar win for a Winston Churchill buried under pounds of prosthetic jowl, Gary Oldman estranged himself even further from humanity by voicing the artificially intelligent computer program that gives this dismal sci-fi project its title.
Sandy Wexler This biopic of a fictitious, incompetent, ill-mannered talent manager benefited from the subtle handicap of lowered expectations, exceeding the likes of The Do-Over with a handful of decent one-liners and some amusing celebrity cameos. The Tribe How the same laws requiring Lee Daniels to slap his name on The Butler fail to prevent confusion between this stink-bomb and the superlative film of the same title also on Netflix as recently as a few months ago! God save any poor soul looking for the latter who lands on the former, another dispatch from French studio comedy hell.
Butt jokes. Big-man-dancing jokes. CEO nice. Or Easy A.
This is the saddest kind of bad movie, one that feels like a worse version of so many wonderful movies. The latest in a long line of films that know teenagers use social media but utterly fail to understand how, this pat after-school special dispenses nuggets of wisdom about being true to yourself and knowing who your friends are that possess all the depth and nuance of a tweet.
Gugu Mbatha-Raw does her best as an astronaut mourning the death of her children would you believe that comes up later on in the film? A handful of nifty set pieces get kneecapped by technical shortcomings, and the big reveal as to what the hell this all has to do with Cloverfield is so cheap, so manipulative, and so nihilistic that it could have come from one of the latter seasons of The Walking Dead.
We were all so focused on the question of whitewashing in this originally Asian property that the media narrative almost entirely ignored how defiantly uninteresting this movie is. It contradicts itself too many times to make any lucid point. Not all funny voices are created equal.
Extinction Universal had a good reason to ditch this sci-fi genocide allegory with scant days to go before its theatrical release. Somebody high up must have yanked the rip cord after witnessing the dopey plot twist too predictable to conceal here: A rogue human comes to learn that the bots can feel , just like flesh-and-blood homo sapiens, cuing up the sagacity that killing people is wrong. A leaden work of Commentary dressed as an action tentpole — more like Bore of the Worlds , am I right?
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For this big, broad, loud, obvious comedy does indeed aspire to satire with its harebrained plot about two thick-skulled news-radio journalists ginning up a bogus Ecuadorian revolution from the safety of a guest room in America. But Gervais cannot muster either the brains or balls to say anything substantive about the anything-goes state of modern media or hectic banana republics in South America. The heroically distasteful Gervais of The Office feels so far away. Leo gets to chew a whole lot of scenery as she takes the fight to remove prayer from public schools into court, attracts scorn from every corner of society, and eventually gets herself abducted.
Regular people will wonder how a film ostensibly dealing with First Amendment rights could possibly generate zero original insight. David Brent: He took the biggest crowd-pleaser in his repertoire fatuous boob David Brent of the British Office out of mothballs for this uninspired spin-off that finds the former middle manager, reduced now to grunt work at a toilet chemical company, touring with his band Foregone Conclusion. The nondescript French fields in which Jonathan Helpert shot this sneeze of a movie look more like, well, fields with some crap thrown all over the place than a wasteland made arid by an unbreathable atmosphere.
Their unendurable trip to a still-standing art museum will make you sympathize with the gaseous cloud. Sierra Burgess Is a Loser The insidious influence of the almighty algorithm feels more palpable in some movies than others. Though that leaves the question of how one film can be both focus-grouped to death and completely bereft of any self-knowledge regarding tone or character.
Her scheme to win the man of her dreams involves deceiving him and intentionally humiliating her one friend. Duck Duck Goose Children, if your parents have exposed you to this very-bad-no-good cartoon, tell your teacher, religious official, or another responsible adult in your area. They should know better than to subject an innocent child to the volley of poop jokes, age-inappropriate pop-culture references, and pathos-as-afterthought contained in this sub- Minions animated abomination. Jim Gaffigan voices a carefree goose bachelor who ends up in custody of two defenseless baby ducks separated from their flock.
He has no choice but to take them under his wing and return them from whence they came, learning some threadbare lessons about responsibility along the way. And because this film was produced by the Wanda Media Company as well as Jiangsu Yuandongli Computer Animation Company, and because we are at the mercy of the Chinese entertainment economy, the film is set in China.