My son is dating a gay kid

They might not want to disappoint, upset or shock you, so they turn to others for counsel on how to approach telling you. Asking this question is a good thing.

Maybe it will provide you with someone else to talk to about it. The thing here is, not growing up heterosexual or cisgender should not stop them from doing most things. Newer, less-restricting identities are becoming popular — especially among younger people — and while they might sound strange to you, listen with an open mind and show interest. There is more to being gay than sex. It is, to sound like a Californian shrink, a state of being.


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Take direction from them before you steam in with too many questions. They may not know the answers, but it doesn't mean they don't know who they are. Your first instinct as a dad is to protect your young. You want to be a warrior, because this is your baby. Bloody kids, eh? They might find it mortifying and start to resent you. Us lot, however, are already pretty clued into the unfairness of the world and the entitlement of its bullies.

But you must let them find their own way — this is one car you can't drive. Use your powers for good, wear that cape with pride and fly.

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If someone you know tells you they're nonbinary, here's how to respond like a champ. By Jamie Windust. A new study reveals that fathers can make their children more intelligent simply by engaging with them calmly and regularly. No costly schools required By GQ. How do you solo-cialise with panache and not look like the creepy guy in the corner? But it has not all been a woke sitcom in the year since he asked his question. These words cut Oliver deeply.

Kimmel later apologized. There are harsh slurs. And there is the constant, casual assumption that Oliver has a girlfriend. Increasing societal acceptance has led to more children coming out at younger ages, but developmentally, young adolescence is a unique time for peer influence. Coming out is associated with improved mental health for L. Many children — gay or straight — are bullied in middle school and high school.

Shock and awe

But L. What happens at this developmental time is more likely to have a lasting effect, and not just for the gay kids, but also for their bullies.

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Middle school adolescents who engage in homophobic name-calling , some research indicates, are more likely to engage in sexual harassment in high school. Bullies, it seems, may cut their teeth on gay kids. It is possible to change things. Studies tell us that schools that have a Gay Straight Alliance and other policies aimed at fostering a safer environment for L. Working to make things better for gay kids helps all kids.

It is our job to create the best possible environment for L. While Oliver and his peers work to make their school a more welcoming place for gay youth, some Trump administration policies, like the ban on transgender individuals in the military , have confirmed fears that Oliver shared with Ms. The newly created Conscience and Religious Freedom Division, an oversight entity within the Department of Health and Human Services, could lead to denial of health care services for L.

It is not surprising to me, then, that there are reports of increased bullying of L. I also suspect that it is not limited to youth. Legalizing prejudice and intolerance comes with ugly consequences. Oliver has been pressing me for some time to write about his experiences and his advocacy. I have wondered if he is too young — he is not quite 15 now — and yet I was 16 when I first jumped onto my speed bike and rode to picket in support of the first free-standing abortion clinic in my hometown.

I have also been impressed with the amazing teenagers and children who have spoken publicly about the ravages of gun violence. I just want the air around me to be friendly. Straight privilege does impose a stunningly narrow set of blinders. Recently Oliver was given an assignment that involved getting a shoe from the teacher. The task was for the student to wear the shoe for a little while and then write a story from the perspective of the person he imagined wearing it.

He was given a pair of high heels, and his essay was about the life of the drag queen he envisioned walking in them. Jen Gunter is an obstetrician and gynecologist practicing in California. The Cycle, a column on health and sexuality, appears regularly in Styles.