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ADD TO. One of my regular boys calls me to say there's a guy in his apartment complex who runs everyday, looks str8 and I should come over and try to get him. I catch him in the parking lot and tell him we need someone for a porn video. Once we got him, we told him it was for gay porn. He takes the cash.

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It was so easy. Most guys just wanted to blow me, anyway.

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It became my backup plan. If cash was tight, I could make it appear out of nowhere.

I felt empowered. The guys I tried to date treated me badly and made me feel bad about myself, probably because I had such low self-esteem. The guys I slept with for money looked at me like I was a god. I got older and kept sleeping with guys for money now and then. I found a job where I was making a decent salary but inevitably I would find myself in a bind.

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I had a regular job and an apartment, and I was afraid of getting caught or arrested, of something bad happening. But about six months ago, I overspent again. The cost of living in a big city, student loans, trying to keep up appearances, and traveling home for the holidays had all taken their toll. Maybe it was the universe telling me not to do this anymore.

I was OK financially even if things were tight. I had extra side income coming in that kept me in the black. And then something crazy happened. I fell in love for the first time, with a guy who was handsome and successful, and suddenly he was the only person I wanted to be with.

The rise of the part-time gay prostitute

How could I? But while I was busy falling in love, the side income dried up. I overspent and my rent check bounced. I dug myself into a deeper and deeper financial hole. I wanted to build a life and a future with him, and I knew that my situation was temporary, since it always was. I just wanted a quick fix, and it was within my grasp. I know that I could. But I want to be the guy that he thinks I am, the guy he deserves, and I want to deserve him.

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I hope I can make it until he gets back, and that I can find a way to get out of this hole. I bet I sound selfish, irresponsible, and dishonest, and maybe I am all of those things. Imagine if you knew you could easily make a few hundred bucks for sitting back and letting someone pleasure you for a half hour or an hour. What reason would you ever have to stop? I know that I need to stop taking the easy way out.