I hate gay guys
We see gayness punished with violence, and we replicate that violence so as to avoid it. We punish ourselves if we have to, if it keeps others from getting to us first. But its rewards are enough for some. The fear is vulnerability, and the Pride parade makes it impossible to hide, to be a chameleon. It exposes.
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I put on a sleeveless shirt and jorts, which I thought was the unspoken uniform, unsure what to expect. Some drag queens standing on truck beds rolled by, throwing beads. There was a lot of rainbow. It did not have the transformative effect I thought it would — I thought once I attended, something final and intense would happen.
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I enjoyed myself. Today I understand that every Pride event is different, and what it means varies widely depending on location and from individual to individual. Some Prides are protests. Some are parties. Some fit the bill of the hedonistic conservative nightmare of promiscuity and alcohol. Others are family friendly events.
As my politics have changed, my critiques of Pride have wrapped around to the other side. I wonder if there are too many banks with floats. There are gay men who think if they use it loudly, they can sever the cumbersome bond of community, and the restrictions and marginalization that comes with it.
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I wonder if the people who do this had a moment like I had with Jake, a moment where they realized people would not only hate them for existing, but actively seek to punish them for it. Get the best of what's queer. Sign up for our weekly newsletter here.
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Research now shows how destructive shame can be. The Adverse Childhood Experience study led by Dr Vincent Felitti showed that the greater number of extreme negative experiences a child has, the greater the chance they will develop mental health problems in adulthood. This should be front-page news. Gay people are not the only ones to suffer such shame, but experts, both gay and straight, agree that gay kids are overwhelmed with it.
Why Some Gay Men Hate Pride Parades — And Ourselves
Many of us grow up, come out and have wonderful and happy lives. For others, the journey can be rockier. Just this week I met a young man who told me he hated gay pride, hated effeminate men but crucially was trying to work through these feelings by talking about them. Perhaps Ethan Stables, who has an autistic spectrum disorder, was not able to have those conversations. Most people grappling with shame do not join extremist groups and plan to hurt people.
But some do.
CJAS | The Columbia Journal of American Studies
Perhaps like former notorious s neo- Nazi street fighter Nicky Crane , who also eventually came out as gay. Talking about gay shame and self-loathing is not easy. It flies in the face of the message of gay pride that has dominated the gay rights movement of the last 50 years. But we must talk about it. Most people wrestling with shame hurt themselves. Disproportionate numbers of LGBT people suffer with self-destructive behaviour. At the end of we lost George Michael after years of mental health and addiction struggles.