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Nothing ruins a perfectly decent fake-date like the cops or, worse still, your dad finding out about it. Then you have to listen to the weird piano recordings he sends you. When searching for your client at the designated meet-up spot, the safest bet is to mosey on over to the guy in the ill-fitted button-down with the greasy grey comb-over, mustache, and the anxious expression any sexually frustrated year-old wears when he has a vicious half-chub. Wait until you make eye contact before you pull out your dainty wave and walk over.

Listen to them explain their entire year career while they simultaneously redact anything of substance because they want to keep their identity a secret.

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