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The thought of giving head makes me gag not in a good way , the few times I've tried bottoming, there was no pleasure in it for me, and the one time I tried topping I went soft immediately.


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That being said, I've learned to give incredible handjobs that gets the job done, but at that point I just want them to cum and be done with it. I really only get turned on when someone does things to me—like gives me head, rims me, jerks off on me, or puts me in mild bondage and jerks me off. Obviously, this aversion to dick doesn't make my dating life too easy. I do great on first dates, but once things move to the bedroom, my reluctance to give head or have anal sex is a dealbreaker for many guys, and things end there.

My question is, what is up with me?

Sucks to Suck … Until Today: A Gay Man’s Guide to Giving Good Oral

Am I just a lazy lay who needs to gain motivation to do more in bed? Recently a friend suggested that I may be asexual, but that doesn't feel right. I feel like I'm attracted to everything there is about men, all except what's between their legs. Have you heard of queer men like this?

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I knew there were guys like you out there—gay men who don't like dick—which is why I told HOMO that "being a gay male correlates more strongly with liking dick than it does with liking drag. There are, for example, gay trans men out there who weren't born with dicks and didn't have bottom surgery after transitioning—but these trans gay guys are nevertheless having tons of hot gay sex with their hot gay boyfriends, husbands, hookups, FWBs, very special guest stars, bondage subs, etc.

Many of the gay cis male partners of gay trans men may like dick just fine some may even love dick , WILD, but the absence of dick isn't a deal-breaker for them—and it stands to reason that some of them may actually prefer men without dicks. Basically, WILD, your letter presumes that all gay men have penises and that's not the case.

Have you even considered dating gay trans men?

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I mean Another option: Literally all they wanna do is tie a guy up and jack that guy off—no oral or anal desired and, in many cases, no reciprocation required. What is up with you?

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I have no idea. You could get into therapy and unpack your issues at length and keep going on first dates with men and see if your feelings about dick change—you should do both those things, in fact.


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  6. Since "into dick" is a perfectly reasonable assumption when a guy agrees to go out on a date with another guy, WILD, be upfront and honest with all the guys you date—cis, trans, kinky, whatever—and you won't find yourself in bed with guys who want or expect more than you're able to give them right now and possibly ever.

    Additionally — and this was the part that really blew my mind — he had sent another dick pic to Noah afterward, who had subsequently critiqued the size, shape, color, and texture. As it happens, Andrew is not the only heterosexual man to send dick pics to his male friends, gay or straight, as I learned when I began asking around.

    When Men Workshop Their Dick Pics

    Some of these men told me that they send their male friends dick pics as a way of workshopping sexts and receiving feedback before sending them to their wives or girlfriends. The interaction began as a literal dick-measuring contest: He now regularly exchanges dick pics with a few close friends on a group chat.

    This behavior is not without precedent. In her piece, Levinson framed frexting as an act of female empowerment, a way for women to affirm their sexuality in a safe space. When self-identified straight men sext each other, they confront a different set of social norms and constraints.

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    In a post-Kinsey world, where gender roles are rapidly evolving and rates of same-sex experimentation are climbing , perhaps it makes sense that men, regardless of their sexual orientation, would be more willing to feint at digital flirtation, or at the very least more willing to show off. Sex Between Straight White Men. Already a subscriber?

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