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All you need to do is stay on your toes, keep your eyes peeled for any weird behavior, and use your good sense. We believe these tips will help you do that. Stay safe out there! As a Contributing Editor for DatingAdvice.

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Join the insiders list Keep up to date with my monthly newsletter Name Email. Load More Soon they bought a house together in the District, fixing it up in the evenings. They were inseparable for almost a decade. And even after their breakup, after O'Neil moved to Mexico and Brian moved to Maryland , they remained good friends. Then came the gunshots late one night inside Brian's bedroom in Silver Spring, Maryland, and the phone ringing 2, miles away in Mazatlan. The answer came two weeks later when police arrested four men, one of whom had arranged to meet Brian via a telephone chat line only to rob him, shoot him and leave him to die.

The crime chastened O'Neil. He was already careful about living in Mexico. Now he grew wary of online dating. They had met six months earlier when Donnie and his wife visited O'Neil in Mazatlan, a city known as the Pearl of the Pacific. O'Neil had moved there in after visiting a few times. The same charisma that had made him the centre of attention as a kid in Chevy Chase, Maryland - leading his little brother Chris and their friends through Rock Creek Park, refereeing fights after school at Blessed Sacrament, captaining dodgeball games - made him popular in the gay-friendly resort town.

O'Neil had gone on a date the night before with someone he'd met on a gay dating app, Jorge said, and O'Neil wasn't home yet, nor was he answering his phone. His two cherished dogs - Brandy and Guinness, named after O'Neil's favourite drinks - hadn't been fed. Drug violence in the surrounding state of Sinaloa had crept into Mazatlan. So when Jorge said he was receiving strange Spanglish texts from O'Neil's phone, Donnie told him to call the police. He is my life. He knows how much I love him.

Without you we would be nowhere right now.

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Twenty hours later, Donnie, an energetic year-old who founded a trio of natural food groceries, stepped off a plane and headed to meet Jorge at the Hotel Punta Pacifico, a remote resort north of the city. It was here, Jorge said, that O'Neil had gone to meet his date the night he disappeared. But hotel employees denied seeing O'Neil, and drone footage of the surrounding countryside showed no trace of him or his car. The sun dipped over the ocean as Jorge drove them south to Mazatlan. You don't give the orders here. As the texts became more threatening, Jorge grew visibly distraught, sobbing and retching, recalled Donnie, who was busy dialing FBI and Drug Enforcement Administration DEA officials - contacts of a relative who'd retired from the DEA - to ask them to try to trace his brother's phone.

The next morning, someone spotted O'Neil's car, parked downtown and filled with trash and beer bottles. As Donnie and Jorge watched state police dust the car for fingerprints, an officer pulled the American aside to say he had a bad feeling about Jorge. Donnie shrugged it off, as he did the other things people said about Jorge: Jorge went everywhere with Donnie, translating for him by day and sleeping in the same house at night. He even suggested suspects to police, organising a stakeout at a property where he said O'Neil might be held, Donnie recalled.

O'Neil had been a popular figure in Mazatlan, donating money to local causes and hosting events at his cafe, so his disappearance was major local news. On 31 October, Donnie's fourth day in town, he and Jorge went to meet the mayor. Carlos Felton told Donnie he'd spoken that morning to the governor, who had made it clear he wanted the case quickly solved.

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The next day, when Donnie returned to talk to Flores, the prosecutor barred Jorge from entering the room. He then showed Donnie a diagram of communications between the suspected kidnappers. Jorge's name appeared, Donnie recalled. Donnie again dismissed the idea.

Jorge must have been trying to reach the kidnappers to negotiate O'Neil's release, he thought. The next day Mazatlan was packed with people celebrating the Day of the Dead. To take his mind off his brother's disappearance, Donnie walked among the thousands of partygoers with their faces painted like skulls before ducking into a restaurant to call a kidnapping expert.

Police had found O'Neil's body, his youngest brother, Chris, told him, and they had arrested Jorge. Six years after Brian's murder, O'Neil had fallen prey to a similar trap - one allegedly orchestrated by his best friend. O'Neil had been lured not to the Punta Pacifico but to another hotel, where he had been beaten so badly that his lungs were punctured, investigators told Donnie. His brother's body was then wrapped in a hotel curtain, stuffed inside a large bag, ferried across town in a taxi and buried in a yard under freshly poured concrete.

The FBI agent had warned him not to look at O'Neil's face, so Donnie identified his little brother by the Irish family crest tattooed on his shoulder. Mexican law does not allow Mexican media to fully identify suspects until they have been convicted. But multiple people close to the situation, including investigators and an attorney for Jorge, confirmed his arrest and those of two others: A fourth suspect, Joel Carrillo Anguiano - a relative of Carlos - has also been charged but remains at large.

Jorge had sounded the alarm over O'Neil's disappearance and pressured police to investigate, Soto argued. A confession by Carlos Anguiano implicating Jorge was unreliable, he said. That accusation cuts deep in a country that has struggled to modernise its outdated, underfunded and, at times, corrupt criminal justice system. Despite a decade-long effort to bolster the rule of law by improving policing and introducing American-style oral court proceedings, more than 93 percent of homicides go unsolved, according to the Citizens Council for Public Security and Criminal Justice, a Mexican think tank.

On the rare occasion that a homicide is closed, it is often tainted by accusations of torture, as in the case of two Australian surfers killed in Sinaloa a year before O'Neil. Donnie McGean believes Jorge is guilty. Rather than signs of innocence, he sees Jorge's retching and crying as evidence he knew the robbery had gone too far, and O'Neil was dead. But even he isn't certain.

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A year after his brother's death, Donnie and his relatives worry that the case will fall apart. The governor who had prioritised O'Neil's case left office last year amid accusations of corruption. Donnie never received a response. Later he learned Ordaz, who did not respond to requests for comment, owns the Pacific Palace hotel, where O'Neil was killed.


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  • On the same day in Washington, mourners packed Blessed Sacrament for a memorial just as emotional as the one held for Brian. Earlier this year, when Chris and Donnie went through their brother's belongings, they found dozens of children's books Brian had given O'Neil, each with a love note written inside.