Dating someone with hiv gay
No risk, really?
Here, a few members share both their bad and good dating experiences so you can learn from them. Just like that popular dating service, it is just lunch. After the first day or two of chatting, go have lunch. Your post or ad has spoken.
Global information and education on HIV and AIDS
Have a conversation—have several conversations—and exchange emails. Listen to the other person. Read what he has written. Dating is not a monologue.
There are no bad dates. Even an apparent disaster, a bar encounter at which the other person succeeds in quickly getting drunk, for example, can be useful. You will stick to having a cup of coffee by meeting at a cafe next time. Know yourself before you start. Keep the two separate. If you live in a small town in a small state, what percentage of men are gay? What percentage of those gay men are positive or open to dating someone who is positive? If you limit yourself to finding someone around the block, you may have created an insurmountable challenge.
The reality is that he could be anywhere, could live anywhere. He might, or might not, live across the country.
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He might, or might not, use a dating site, a dating company, have, or not have, a personal ad somewhere. I was surprised myself, but hear me out.
Some of what I discovered contradicts everything we've been taught. From September of to May of , these participating couples provided detailed sexual diaries, accompanied by routine examinations, which produced a wealth of data that was analyzed, synthesized and then published. Jens Lundgren, director of CHIP , Centre for Health and Infectious Disease Research based at the Copenhagen University Hospital, and also the principal investigator on the study, tells me, "we found that despite studying more than 50, [condomless sexual encounters], none of the partners contracted from each other—there was no risk.
This was wild to me—from what I've been told, these findings albeit from a single study weren't consistent with mainstream messaging surrounding HIV. These results were saying that the risk of transmitting HIV from someone who was living with the virus and on treatment to a negative partner was negligible to non-existent. I had to dig deeper. It provided the caveat that those living with the virus must be undergoing and adhering to treatment, have an undetectable viral load for six months or longer, and have no other STIs.
The statement, released in for doctors in Switzerland, has since seen several important studies produce evidence in support of its claims—the PARTNER study being one of them, and, most recently, the CDC's letter published this past September. The more I discovered, the more confident I became in my preference. The risk of contracting isn't from those who are living with the virus and taking their medication as prescribed, it's from those who are unsure of their status. HIV can take weeks or months to test positive.
Not knowing your status can, in theory, be no fault of your own, but attributed to the length of time it takes to test positive. And I don't know about you, but even that syphilis test came back negative three times before they were able to definitively tell me what I had. So, when can one ever be percent certain of their status?
Unless…they're already positive.
Sero-Sorting
But because decisions surrounding my sexual health have potential long-term, irrevocable impacts, I had to know more. Gallen, Switzerland. His work in the late 90s and early s centered around HIV-discordant couples and their attempts to conceive. During this time, he was one of the first physicians to look at the viral load found in the semen of patients on effective ART treatment.
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Of all the couples he treated, none of those living with HIV and on standard ART treatment had a discernible viral load in their semen. And yet the couples were under high stress about HIV transmission. He decided to say something—doctors needed to talk to their patients about the realities of the risks involved. People cited many ways that HIV stigma has impacted their mental and physical health.
Many people described rejection and mistreatment from employers, medical providers and potential partners, leading to depression and anxiety, social exclusion, deficient health care, and difficulty at their place of employment.
For HIV-negative guys : The Sex You Want
Social rejection was a common theme from respondents, and many described how they take care to hide their HIV status from people in their lives. I was pretty much a pariah after that. The nurses are afraid of HIV-positive patients. So I know they would flip if they knew I am poz and doing phlebotomy. People who wrote in explanations about how they had experienced HIV stigma cited three main types of experiences: Rejection from potential partners—both online and in person—was a common theme among HIV-positive survey respondents.