Long term gay relationships

Do couples whose personalities and habits balance out along some spectrum have an easier time of it?

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Perhaps partner 1 loves domesticity while partner 2 loves bringing home the bacon; or partner 1 is a flamboyant attention seeker while partner 2 is a wind-beneath-my-wings type…. Toronto therapist Jim Cullen says gay couples who naturally yin-yang each other are an anomaly. Men usually want to be the alpha dog.

Is it the words I say to you? Is it that after each night of carousing I reliably return home ready to sex you up? Cullen suggests having separate interests as well as shared interests, vacations together and also apart. Having the right expectations going into a relationship and adjusting expectations along the way—particularly sexual expectations, as bodies mature, grow soft and perform less dependably—goes a long way. Over the long term, gay men can risk evolving into cohabitating buddies, each preoccupied with his own thing, not functioning as a unit.

By contrast, same-sex female couples often struggle with the opposite problem. It really opens, and closes, and maybe opens again. He portrayed these relationships as egalitarian, with few differences of power, and allowing both partners to maintain personal autonomy. But he would never do it.

Gay men’s stories of monogamy and non-monogamy: change, flexibility and tensions

I would have the balance of power. I like a relationship to be equal and on equal terms. Men who acquiesced generally did so for fear of losing their partner, thus making the relationship inherently unequal. They often remained dissatisfied, for example feeling jealous, envious or distrustful. In a number of cases, the relationship broke down. Some partners who preferred non-monogamy were able to suggest that it was a more progressive option or one that was informed by a better understanding of how gay relationships can work.

As a result, men who preferred monogamy could be positioned as more conservative or less experienced, therefore holding less sway in the discussion. Some men, who were generally older, described guiding a less experienced partner towards acceptance of non-monogamy.


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And some of them he was terrified. In fact, he introduced me to [the] concept.

Gay Men in Long-Term Relationships

Steven Philpot says that the findings shed light on how gay men deal with changing expectations of fidelity within their relationships, and the tensions and opportunities that change produces for couples. Philpot SP et al. But is it safe?


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New Trends in Gay Male Relationships: The Choices Study - ETR

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GAY SEX 101: Sex in a Long-Term Relationship

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How To Become A Long-Term Gay Power Couple

Sign up to our newsletter. Expectations Many men, particularly younger men, implicitly expected monogamy to be the basis for long-term relationships. It might be thought of as most important at the beginning of a relationship: While some men explained this by talking about the ready availability of sex on the gay scene, others gave biological explanations: They might idealise older couples whose relationships were secure, successful and open: Change Most often, relationship expectations shifted from monogamy to non-monogamy, over a period of time.

In making changes, a number of men felt that rules could be helpful.