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Knowing what the term queer means, and how people choose to use and identity with it is vital.
I’m seeing a bisexual man who hasn’t dated men before
Being queer, like being gay or straight is not a choice. It is a form of sexual identification and gender, and for some, the term even falls into a larger social and political stance. By the s, queerness started to gain academic notoriety through the work of queer studies scholar Eve Sedgwick.
Sedgwick, along with other scholars, encouraged people to think about sexuality on a spectrum and abandon the idea that gender identity exists within binaries, such as being male and female. Rather, it is something more fluid and that allows for more nuance in the way that people choose to identify and express themselves.
In the early s, this become part of larger conservations on speaking about non-normative sexual and identity politics in a more inclusive way. Queerness is community and solidarity. Sexuality and gender identity really do exist on a spectrum.
Remember, sex, gender, and sexuality are not one and the same. It is important to be open to the way people choose to identify, and in the process to be respectful of the labels and terms people use. And when it comes to sexual identification, there are more categories as well: Identity politics — the ways in which specific ideas and interests surrounding a particular group are formed — are a vital part of the queer experience and the LGBTQ community.
It is important that queer women are able to discuss this with their straight male partners and love interests. Respect where people are coming from, their perspective, and their politics, no matter who they are. Regardless of how someone identifies, they should not feel as if they have to compromise on their expectations for a relationship.
Part of this comes from getting to know your partner and establishing a level of comfort with them, but it is also about being able to let them know what you need. Be open to how things go, ask questions along the way, and continue to work to come to a mutual understanding.
While there are some men who are supportive of the queer community, there are still others out there who choose to slut-shame, misidentify, make assumptions about, and even worse, fetishize queer women. Queer women often feel as if they are being fetishized for who they are and who they choose to date. This can be incredibly frustrating and is the opposite of how we want to be approached. Attraction is just as important for queer people as it is for anyone else, and reducing someone to a sexual act or stereotyping them based on who you think they are can be very hurtful.
Lewis, 26, in a relationship with a woman
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